


Hate you, too

by TrinityRose



Category: The Flash
Genre: Angst, F/M, Miscommunication, Romance, Snowells
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-28
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2019-05-29 22:19:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15082916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrinityRose/pseuds/TrinityRose
Summary: Every time she gives herself over to him, she hates him and herself more, because she knows he’s gonna leave again.





	Hate you, too

**Author's Note:**

> Back for good? I don’t know. All I know is that I enjoy creating shots the most. If you have any requests, ideas, I’m open to them, but I make no promises of when and if I will use them.

There was a lot of things Caitlin hated those days – or maybe she should say months… or _years_? She wasn't even sure anymore for how long this had been going on.

Above all, she hated that he always left.

She hated that she always landed straight in his arms, her body melting under even the slightest of his touches, her breath caught just by mere looking into his gorgeous blue eyes.

She hated him, but maybe the truth was that she hated herself more. For being this weak. For letting him use her like that. For not being able to stop.

The past twenty minutes had been amazing with them stumbling into her apartment, making out as clothes were haphazardly thrown wherever they happened to rip them off, so desperate to get to the good stuff.

And good stuff it was, she thought when taking one deep breath after another, just having him come inside her right after she climaxed herself. In fact, he was still there, his face buried in the crook of her neck, his pants hot and moist against her skin before he finally slip out of her and lay down on the bed next to her with a heavy groan released from his lips.

Just then she felt _it_ again. The upcoming down after the high. The dreadful sinking feeling in her stomach that she usually experienced after their time spent together. Because she knew this was going nowhere and if so, every time she had to let him go was harder. She couldn't take this anymore. Wouldn't do this.

"I hate you," the words were out her lips before she could stop them and to her astonishment, she heard him say it right back, "Hate you, too," only in a rather playful tone. _Oh, right_ , he thought she was joking. Of course.

"Wait…" she then heard him speak again as he glanced at her. "Are you actually serious?" he asked, surprise evident in his voice. "Why?" he followed with when sitting up on the bed, waiting for her answer.

What did she just do? She thought, having half a mind to ignore him and just continue this charade, but she knew she couldn't. This wasn't healthy. In fact, it was killing her, so she needed to let him go now or she would be ruined forever. Well, if it wasn't too late already.

"Because you always leave me," she simply said, forcing herself to look into his stunned azure eyes bravely.

"We both know this is gonna end some day. Probably sooner rather than later, so I don't unders…" he started and was quickly interrupted by her as she sat up too, gathering the sheet from the bed to cover her naked body. She couldn't have this conversation like this. She needed to hide her bare flesh and she did her best to only look at his face. "So that's just it for you?" she asked him. "You'll get bored with me eventually and you'll just move on and we'll never hear of you on this earth again." Her voice grew bitter.

"No… I mean… Wait…" he got confused, trying to wrap his mind around it all.

"I just can't do this anymore, Harry. I'm sorry, but I can't," she continued, needing it to be over already, needing this conversation to end and the truth to come out so he could leave _again_ and she could grab some ice cream and cry in bed while stuffing herself with it. "I have self-respect, you know… or wait… on second thoughts…" Maybe she didn't have any left, but she wanted it back all the same. "Well, this has to stop. I can't be your booty call anymore."

"Wha… I… You're not," he finally denied, even more stunned.

"Oh, but I am!" she still argued. "That's all I've ever been to you," she then added silently, avoiding his eyes but also any other part of his body, so she just looked out the window that was behind him.

He was silent for a long moment before he started slowly, "Snow…"

"No, Harry," she cut in again. "This is it. It's over. The end. _Finito_." She didn't even realize that her eyes filled up with tears. "Either this is just sex to you, which I think it is, or you can't tell me the truth. Either way, it doesn't matter. I am done."

"What?"

"What?!" she raised her voice again, finally looking at him. To say he was shocked was not enough. He was watching her with mouth agape and eyes opened widely, a look of sudden realization on his face. "Do you have something to say to me?!"

And then he finally blurted out and it tilted her world in a way she definitely did not expect, "I thought you could never love me." Now it was her turn to stare with mouth ajar. "I thought this was just sex for _you_ ," he added.

"Oh, great, now you're insulting me!"

"Snow, no, wait…" He stopped her by grabbing her arm because she made a move indicating that she wanted to leave the bed as fast as possible. " _Please_ ," he added when she looked him in the eye with her own tear stricken, trying to yank her arm free. "I truly thought we couldn't be together."

" _Why_?! Why, Harrison, just tell me _why_!" she erupted.

In the end, he didn't even have to say it. She understood all on her own. And she felt sick that something so silly, so insignificant to her could cause them both so much pain during this _relationship_ or whatever it was.

"In case you need me to say it, I never cared about your age or the fact that you are from a different earth or that you have a daughter, Harry."

"I just…" he started, then swallowed before continuing. "I just thought you deserved better than me. That's it. That's all. Not even because of the age difference between us, but because there are so many great guys out there that would be so much better for you than I am."

"Yeah? So where are they, exactly?" she snorted at that.

"I'm sorry, Snow, if I offended you. God, I am sorry I hurt you so much!" He finally freed her arm, but this time she actually missed his touch. She watched him run his hands through his already messy and very delicious bed hair. "I never wanted to leave. Not really. I always told myself this was the last time. No more," he went with total honesty. "Every time I left I promised to myself that I would let you go and stop hurting myself. And then when I came back, I couldn't stop myself from taking you over and over again because I wanted you so badly. I _always_ want you, Snow. You're _everything_ , always have been and always will be."

Another moment of long silence passed by as they were both processing what just happened and what he meant.

"So… all this time… we've both been idiots," she eventually said, her voice calm, rid of any emotions despite the turmoil she felt inside.

"I believe so, yes. The real question now is," his eyes held her gaze, "can you maybe turn that hate into love?"

"You know I never really hated you."

"I do."

"And now you also know that it was always more for me, too."

"All right. All the cards on the table," he agreed with a nod, his eyes radiant. "I love you, Snow… _Caitlin,_ and I want nothing more than to stay here on this earth with you."

"And I truly hate you that it's taken you so long to say it!" she responded in a way he so could not predict again.

"I know. I deserve it. I'm a jerk," he admitted. "I hate me, too."

"But I also kind of love you, so I think we'll manage somehow," she then followed with and leaned forward, cupping his face and pressing her lips against his.

And this time it was different. They had kissed and fucked multiple times already, but now it seemed deeper on an emotional level as all the dams broke and they could finally be honest with each other about what they wanted.

"Promise never to be stupid again?" Caitlin asked against his lips as he pushed her to her back and was soon moving above her, still kissing her, though his hands started to pay some attention to her body again as well.

"I promise. And I will make it all up to you."

"You can start right now."

"Oh, yes, I can…"


End file.
